Gaining Self Confidence – 3 Ways on How to Gain Self Confidence

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Gaining self confidence via challenging our comfort zone isn’t really as tough as it could be. In actual fact, doing such can be plenty of fun. There are a number of ways in which might allow you to in gaining your self-confidence so easily while on the similar time challenging your comfort zone. Listed below are three of them:

Improve Communication Skills

When you’ve seen, most individuals on conferences or during classroom discussions are too hesitant to say a word in front of many people, especially if they are being requested to speak. The subsequent time you’re in this situation, volunteer to speak up and voice out your thoughts. When you do that, you’ll be more confident with yourself, and what’s great is that folks will even commend you for doing such a brave act. Don’t let the concern of being ridiculed cease you. What’s essential is that you simply exerted an effort to get out of your comfort zone, and this courageous act is definitely worthy of praise.

Sitting on the Entrance Row

Throughout convention meetings, most people would normally select to sit at the again a part of the room. From school rooms as well as on conference rooms, evidently folks would choose to sit at the again a part of the room. If you wish to gain confidence, get out of your consolation zone by difficult your self to sit down within the front row. It could be tough to do that at first, however once you retain on practicing this, you’ll notice that you’re progressively gaining your self-confidence.

Establish Good Eye Contact

Sadly enough, a number of people doesn’t know the importance of creating eye contact and as you’ve seen, some folks that you’re dealing business with does not even look at you within the eye when dealing business with you. One of the vital effective ways to gain self confidence is although having an eye fixed contact with one other individual whilst you are on a conversation. This can be easy for others to do, but for some people, doing such is like leaving out of their comfort zone. However, when you get used to this behavior, you’ll really feel that you’re extra confident about yourself.

You can now gain self confidence by improving your daily routines, activities and behavior. Take one step at a time.
Get the step by step life changing guides and videos on gaining self confidence at


How Can I Become More Self-Confident?

Through learning how to be confident and improving self-esteem, we can greatly enhance our lives. Confidence helps us to reach our goals, find success and achieve a greater over-all feeling of self worth. Information will form the foundation of your efforts to build self confidence.

What is Self Confidence?

Self Confidence is a psychological and social idea based on your assuredness and belief in your own abilities, judgment and power. It is faith in your ability to handle life regardless of what it may throw at you. It is also commonly equated to courage although they are not exactly the same thing. However, your path toward learning to how to be confident might encompass certain elements of courage as well as self esteem. Courage helps to build confidence because it deals with facing fear whereas confidence might describe a lack of fear to begin with. Self esteem focuses on the magnitude with which you are able to view yourself in a favorable way. In short, self esteem might be described more simply as “how much you like yourself” and it makes up a significant part of your self confidence as well. Although not the same, the terms, “self confidence” and “self esteem” are often used interchangeably. Learning how to be confident will certainly involve elements of courage and self esteem.

Why is Confidence Building so Important?

Your level of self confidence can and usually will, have a very significant impact on your life. It is deeply intertwined in our psychology and affects nearly everything we do in some way. In addition, it greatly affects the way you view yourself, the way others view you, the relationships you form, the opportunities you get, the decisions you make and the actions you take throughout your life. This is one of the reasons why it is important to learn how to build confidence.

The Problem: Lack of Self Confidence

Lack of self confidence is caused by fear. These fears include the fear of failure, ridicule, rejection, disrespect etc. When these fears are not confronted and overcome on a regular basis, they tend to hang around, hiding just below your conscious awareness and eating away at your ability to function comfortably and at higher capacity.

These fears or this lack of confidence then begins to manifest itself in many visible ways in your life. Some of the noticeable problems may become quite serious and might include:

• Getting passed over for a promotion

• Inability to confront people who cause problems for you

• Paralysis in the area of meeting members of the opposite sex

• Unable to address or speak in front of large or small groups

• Excessive indecision

• Poor leadership

• Nervousness in job interviews

• Depression

As you probably guessed, there can be many other reasons for confidence building as well. These types of problems can lead to failures or perceived failures which work to bring your self confidence and self esteem even lower. The resulting effects can become a slow downward spiral in extreme cases and can eventually progress toward other serious problems including depression if not dealt with adequately. Sometimes the problems are not quite as serious as this of course, but none-the-less troublesome or annoying. We all want to succeed, we want to be capable, powerful and free to progress toward our goals unhindered by the setbacks and dragging weights of low self confidence. This is why building confidence is such a worthwhile goal.

Why do I Lack Confidence?

If you feel that you may be experiencing some form of low self confidence, you are not alone. In fact you are in very good company. This is a huge problem that affects millions of people worldwide. The simple fact that you are finding out how to build confidence already puts you well ahead of many. Many people will not even recognize the problem properly or ever begin to seek help.

The reasons for low self confidence are as varied and complex as the people who experience it. The problem can stem from social experiences in our childhood, experiences with the opposite sex during high school, how we were raised, abuse, guilt or a myriad of other equally imposing past experiences. Whatever the cause, just know that it can be corrected. Learning about building confidence is not rocket science. It just takes some information and some persistent effort on your part.

One major reason that is largely responsible for lack of self confidence in society is a simple lack of information. Most of us are in large part unaware of all of the progress that has been made to understand and correct these issues. Teachers are not trained to teach us how to build and maintain our confidence in school. Society takes a “let nature take its course” approach. Psychiatrists have been studying and teaching it but only to the few who have come forward seeking help and can afford it financially. Most parents are also not adequately educated to recognized and correct these issues during childhood. The result is that regularly learning how to be confident is not part of our routine or lifestyle. To sum it up, we are simply uneducated about our own self confidence.

Building Self Confidence?

The good news is that anyone can learn how to build confidence! The first step is to recognize the problem and begin to seek a solution. If that is why you are here, then you are already on the right track. The next step is of course, to get your self educated. For decades, scholars, counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and many other professionals have studied this widely encountered problem. The results have yielded tons of useful information as well as proven techniques and methods for building self confidence. We learn from their collective efforts that building confidence becomes easy when we are armed with the right knowledge. You can incorporate these processes into your daily life and with a little effort and persistence; you will make a huge impact on your own level of self confidence.

Have you ever seen those people who seem to have it all? They seem to have charisma, boldness and a sense that life is going to be great because they will make it so. They seem fearless! These people get all the breaks! They succeed in the workplace, are well respected, are calm in the face of authority or confrontation, are well liked, socially capable, popular and of course charming and attractive to the opposite sex.

You’ve seen them!

We all have. Chances are that this person has been very lucky for a very long time or he/she knows a little more than the average person about how to be confident or actively practices confidence building techniques. If you have ever met someone like this and felt that they were simply a superior person, you were quite wrong. You can be equally as confident and capable as anyone around you. In fact, you can begin building confidence to any level that you want. It all depends on finding the right information and on how determined you are to stick with it and achieve that growth.

Just remember that learning how to build confidence is a process. It won’t happen overnight but it will happen if you keep trying. You may find that getting the right information and staying on track can also become quite complex or overwhelming at times. If you would like to take a self study approach, you can find a lot of helpful information scattered about the web and in various books. Educate yourself, practice what you learn, be persistent. You can change your life! There are also some affordable structured programs.

Structured Programs and Courses for Building Self Confidence

If you are looking for a more structured approach with step by step processes, exercises, and proven techniques, there are many professionally guided courses available that will teach you specifically how to build confidence in all areas of your life, get you on track and keep you engaged and involved…

…Luckily for you, there are many amazing programs for building your confidence! You can check out a couple great ones and continue learning how to be confident!

Or feel free to check out my next article about Building Self Confidence!


What Self Confidence Hypnosis Can Do For You

Are you he shy or timid person? Do you have trouble speaking up when you have a valid opinion or an interesting fact to share? If so, then you may be suffering from a lack of self-confidence. Don’t worry, you are not psychologically broken. Being shy is nothing more than a bad habit. And the best tool for fixing any bad habit is hypnosis. You don’t know it yet, but in the next few minutes you will feel courage come over you as you figure out what self confidence hypnosis can do for you.

One of the most crime examples of how hypnosis can help your confidence is by making you a better public speaker. It is a very well known fact that more people see or speaking in public then fear death itself. The fear is so strong that people have even fainted while on the stage or podium. Through hypnotic suggestions you can actually reprogram your mind from being in a fearful state into being a courageous state. So instead of dreading your turn to go on stage, you will feel excited about it.

With more self-confidence you can drastically improve your love life. You can appear more assertive and get more attention with the right attitude. This is especially true for men looking for a date. But women will also benefit from being more confident about themselves in front of men. Regardless of the gender, a high level of confidence often appears sexy.

One of the greatest benefits of having a higher sense of self-confidence is that the opportunities to make more money open themselves up to you. It’s almost like money knows who the confident people are Sikhs them out. Any entrepreneur will tell you that leading a business takes a great amount of courage and that courage comes from a high degree of self-confidence. Through the help of hypnosis you can program your mind to take on any challenge and jump on every opportunity that comes your way.

By now you have figured out what self-confidence hypnosis can do for you. It can make you a better public speaker. It can improve your love life by making you more desirable to the opposite sex. And it also can make you more money.

Another fantastic tool for self confidence hypnosis is binaural beats. It is a cutting edge technology that is embedded into MP3s. It can put you into a deep hypnotic state within a few minutes. To find out more you can visit The Unexplainable Store.


The Truth About Building Self Confidence

The fact that you are reading this Article about building self confidence tells me that You or someone you care about has a problem with Anxiety or lack of Self Confidence. Hopefully after reading this report that Problem won’t seem half as bad.

So what is Anxiety or lack of self confidence?

Being anxious means the Mind is in a Distressed state about something or being concerned about something which may or may not happen. Feeling Restless or Uneasy about something which may or may not happen as a result of you doing something. Usually you are worried about looking or feeling like a fool because of some action you are about to perform i.e. Public Speaking, Job Interview, Talking to Strangers, even simple tasks like going to the Doctors or the Bank can seem like a difficult & worrying chore.

Have you ever been to a Bar or Party & seen someone you really fancy but never had the Courage to speak to them for fear of saying the wrong thing & being made to feel a complete fool. Well stop worrying, You are not alone, countless numbers of people have the same problem, but it is a problem that can be overcome by building self confidence & the solution is a lot easier than you could imagine.

First let me tell you a true story because I used to have the same problem myself until something happened one day whilst I was out with a mate in a fast food restaurant & that one incident made me realise something which changed my life completely. Whilst we were waiting to be served two gorgeous girls (about our age) came in & my mate started giving them the eye. The girls started giggling & whispering to each other so I immediately turned away all embarrassed thinking they were laughing at us and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. I was that embarrassed I was about to run out of the place when suddenly one of the girls called us over. We sat with them for a couple of minutes and my mate chatted to them while I just sat there all embarrassed not saying anything for fear of saying the wrong thing and feeling like a fool.(I desperately needed a course for building self confidence).

After a short while the girls got up to leave and one of them gave my mate her number, the other one said “when you come to meet us bring your quiet mate with you he’s cute” they then giggled and walked out. While I felt even more embarrassed and went even redder (if that was possible) My mate was as calm as anything and went back to the counter to order some food, but I on the other hand was completely the opposite, my heart was beating so hard I thought it was going to explode and I couldn’t believe what had just happened. In fact what had just happened was that my mate and I had just seen the same incident but perceived it completely differently. You see when the girls came into the restaurant I saw them giggling and making fun of us, where as my mate saw them as just being flirtatious.

As trivial as that one incident might seem now it had a profound effect on the rest of my life in as much as it made me realise that the way we react to certain situations is governed by the way we think about those situations. After that incident I spent the next few months ‘Observing’ other people in various locations. I discretely watched how different people interacted with each other and it confirmed what I had earlier realised at that restaurant.

That everyone sees situations differently to other people and it is your mind that controls you. Once I realised that fact it changed my life for the better and it can change your life just as dramatically. Before I finish I would just like to share something with you which I think you will find helpful.

The next time you are out walking (it doesn’t matter where) down the street or in the park etc. Just take notice of how you are feeling and then notice how you are walking. I guarantee that if you are feeling Depressed, Worried or Anxious you will be walking with your shoulders drooped, hunched back and head forward looking at the floor trying to avoid Eye Contact with anyone. On the other hand if you are feeling confident and full of the joys of spring You will be walking with a spring in your step, shoulders back and head held high.

This also works in Reverse, the next time you are out walking and you feel down and lacking in self confidence or anxious make a conscious effort to walk with your head held high and shoulders back.

You have my personal guarantee that you will feel more confident and less anxious. P.S. If you also put a smile on your face it will have double the effect.

Thanks for reading this report I hope you found it useful.

For more no cost information about building self confidence and overcoming anxiety and panic attacks please visit


Self Confidence, A Definition

Our self confidence is something we can all do with boosting; whether it needs boosting occasionally or regularly. A surprisingly large amount of the population suffers from low confidence and/or low self esteem. The self improvement market is a healthy, growing market, even in our current economy, which would indicate that we all see the need to work on these areas of our lives and that we all understand the importance our confidence and esteem. So, what exactly is self confidence?

Self Confidence – What Is It?

Self confidence is having a belief in your ability and future performance. Having a high level of self esteem means you are more likely to see yourself as someone who is worthy of happiness and success. This, in turn, means you will have the confidence to push yourself to try harder and to aim for whatever goals you want to set out to try to achieve.

So What Does This Mean?

The definition of self confidence actually goes further than believing in your ability and performance. If you are a self confident person, you are a lot less likely to worry about the disapproval of others if you happen to fail at something – and less worried yourself about this failure too. So, in a nutshell, you are far more likely to enjoy the experience and the act of taking part – failing or losing becomes irrelevant really. Ironically, this leads to the probability that you are more likely to succeed anyway!

How is Self Esteem Different?

Basically, self confidence is belief in your abilities and future performance, self esteem is feeling a sense of pride in yourself. It is how you see your own self worth. This is evaluated in several ways including our emotions and our beliefs. Any feelings of despair of triumph we have are as a result of our emotions; feeling worthless or worthwhile is down to our built in beliefs. Self esteem can be applied to specific parts of us (like our ability to do something specific) or globally to us as a whole (for example, if we believe we are a good or bad person in general).

Why should I care?

The benefits of having a good level or self confidence and esteem are endless! Building your confidence and esteem will build your belief in both yourself and your actual ability to achieve whatever you want to have a go at. It gives you the courage to be yourself; to live life the way you want to. So the question should really be – why wouldn’t you care?

Sarah PJ White is a Life Coach & EFT Practitioner, who specialises in motivating, inspiring and encouraging mothers who have issues with their confidence. To download her free report entitled ‘Busted! 8 Confidence Gremlins & How to Drop Them’ or to see her other resources, please go to


Grandmothers of Washington Pass

Experiencing sorrow in a different way

The hard, cold patch of my forehead, as it pressed against the car window, drew the pain away from my body. I sat slumped in the passenger seat. Outside, the land flew by like my life on fast forward. My only child had left for college; my marriage, too, had packed and gone away. Most of my beloved treasures had been reduced to some grassy tread marks of a mysterious eighteen-wheeler that mocked my wide eyes upon a recent evening’s return from work. My pain was visceral, inhabiting my body to remind me, unwavering, of my losses.

“I want to show you something,” my friend had said simply.

“What?” I had answered, skeptical as always.

“I just want to show you something. Come to the house early, and I’ll drive.” I noted that my curiosity remained, a small spark, perhaps, but still there. I took him up on his offer, giving no promise to him or myself that I would be a fun traveling companion.

The land flew past the car window. We climbed along Rte 20. Colors turned from dry orange of the Maples and Alders, to deep greens of the Hemlocks and Cedars. Rivulets of water had returned to the cutaways in the rock faces, dancing in their brief freedom before joining themselves again in a statelier journey to the sea. My companion held the car evenly as we drove. Drumming hauntingly filled the car as the amazing stones from the river below us winked at me from their wet nests in the sand.

“Where are we going? How long is this to be? Why is he doing this?” The questions floated in and out without energy, and lay unspoken in my mind.

My companion spoke little as he drove. I breathed in his calm. The car climbed high in the valley as mountains began to hug the boundaries of the road. I rolled my head against the window to find new places to shock with the cold. The car finally pulled to the left, and we went down a narrow road. Trees hugged our passage, ushering us into a parking lot surrounding what could have been a lodge. It was a restroom.

The rest room was a surprising structure of huge logs and metal, nestled in snow. I was glad for my walking shoes. “This way” my friend said, as we began to walk. The trail lay before us, a sad line of patchy, trampled snow and muddy footprints. “I can relate to that,” I said to myself, wrapping my blanket around me. We had entered a low cloud and our limited view helped me focus.

I walked heavily, aware of something I could not name. A sign peeked out of the snow saying, “Stay on the Path.” I veered off to my left. I followed this pull I felt, and could hear my companion making worried noises behind me. I think he hadn’t planned this outcome, but my feet kept walking up and to the left, the wrong way, the unmarked way, the way alone. The trees presented themselves and vanished again in the heavy fog. They stood for a moment, respectful and attentive, comforting in their quiet way. Stones rose from the ground to say, “Step here, this way. This way is sure and strong” I picked my way among them, aware of my companion’s cautious presence far behind me. I walked with more strength, more clarity. Though I had never been here, I knew this place, knew my way. The fog enveloped me, welcomed me, pressed into my blanket, and stroked my hair and my soul. I began to breathe again.

My companion gave no direction, no comments. I walked; he followed. Two silent forms in the fog on separate journeys together.

The cloud dissipated as I climbed the last stones of the ascent. A deep valley yawned before me. I sucked in my breath at the sudden long view. At the bottom, a tiny ribbon of a road held it in place. My eyes climbed the far side of the valley, up and up the bulky flanks topped by rough crags. They rested on the great stones there, and slid again with their boulders, fallen in rivers and pools, down to the trees and the road below.

Something called me back, and I looked again at the crags. These peaks became more than stones. They sat, hunkered together, three old women. They had let down their hair, which fell in gray boulder curls among the green of their blouses and skirts. These old women were content, there in the sun. I heard their earthy chuckle and saw my own large grandmother. I yearned for her gingham body to hold me, to reassure me. And somehow, there on the mountain, I was held. I was reassured. These old women chuckled again. I felt they knew something about me I had not yet learned. There was something more to come to me, to my life, and it would be good. It was with me now, but I hadn’t seen it. I looked down for a moment in thought. When I looked back up I saw only stones and crags.

Stunned, I turned again to the fog. My companion was barely visible. I wanted to stay, to become one of the stones here on this side of the valley, this mountain. Perhaps, if I held my body just so, and was very still, I could join the mountain, become a stone, content. I stopped, holding back in the fog, as my companion faded before me. I wrapped my blanket tightly around myself, hoping for something other, something more. I heard, “It’s time to go”—was this the mountain? Was it my companion? Sadly, so sadly, and yet deeply comforted, I walked again down the mountain and back into my life.

Years have passed since that day. They were right, you know, those old women. They were right.

Kate Bowditch, MA, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who lives, writes and practices in Washington State. She is an Elder and Ceremonialist. She has recently published “20-20 Insight, Advanced Theory and Practice of Hypnosis,” a view of the working and function of the Subconscious Mind,  “The Mountain and the Shadow, A Pagan’s Journey Into Death,” and most recently, “The Ghosts of Newgrange, Ancient Ceremony Remembered,” an analysis of Past Life Experiences to reconstruct ancient Pagan wisdom and ceremony in Ireland. She writes for, among others, Circle Magazine. Visit her website at:


Don’t Under-rate Resilience

Resilience refers to a person’s ability to recover from adversity, setbacks and failure… much as a pendulum returns to center after being swung to the side.

Like the pendulum, there may be some “swinging back and forth” before things settle down.

We tend to put emphasis on stability, in our lives. But stability comes in two forms.
Static Stability — remaining in the same place, physically or psychologically, even when a lot of external force are acting. Like a heavy boulder.
Dynamic stablility: A tendency to return to or near to an original position after being displaced. This is resilience.

More often than not, it is dynamic stability that we rely on to keep sane, safe, and happy. In fact static stability is rare, both in psychology and in physics. It is under-rated. Dynamic stability, or resilience is as good as it gets for living things. It is, in fact how we learn new things. After each movement away from the quiet norm, be settle back down, but not to the exact same starting position, but often to an even better one. All learning is like that: we stretch our minds and settle down bit wiser.

I want to make a little case for celebrating and encouraging resilience. Whether training ourselves or our children, we need to give ourselves a 2 pats on the back when we recover well and 1 when we remain unmoved; statically stable.

Much more often than not, resilience is a learned thing, not something engraved in our character. It can be cultivated. Eastern martial artists cultivate “bending, like reed, with the wind”. The stiff things tend to break. The yielding reed, bends but does not break.
By Stephen Tuell


How Modern Pagans Deal with Death and Dying

Most religions have rituals, simple or elaborate, for helping dying
people through their ordeal. Those folks who deal help the dying
person and continue on after their death, also take strength and
comfort from religion, sacred writings and others who share their
religious beliefs.  Pagan people, those without formal religions, have
varied beliefs about what happens during and after death. They may
have more private beliefs but do not usually believe in a God or gods.

Kate Bowditch, a pagan therapist, author and licensed mental health
counselor, has published a remarkable diary  of her experience caring
for her husband, in his final months. She candidly shares her feelings
and thoughts, conversations with him in a book that will be of great
value to others without formal religion and those who care for people
in the  last phase of their lives.

Learn about Kate, her thoughts and her publications


Body & Mind or bodymind


Advice from Lao Tsu

Let your plans be dark and as impenetratable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.


The Dangers of Delegation

Ask any new manager, supervisor or leader about the challenges of the job and chances are delegation is on that list. That`s why you will find delegation in nearly every new supervisor workshop and in most books on leadership.

Right or wrong, promotions often happen because we were great at our previous job. It is those skills, behaviors and expertise that are being rewarded. So, naturally when we move to the next job, usually with increasingly responsibilities and more (or our first) direct reports, it is hard to stop doing those things we are best at (and were rewarded for).

With that promotion comes new responsibilities and an even-more packed calendar. And likely some version of this great advice: You can`t do it all yourself, you will have to delegate. Most leaders either heed this logical and practical advice or are driven to it by the sheer stress that comes with not being able to do everything.

When done correctly delegation is a powerful behavior; unfortunately, the reality is that far too often it becomes a painful process both for the delegator and those to whom work has been delegated.

All of this creates dangers that leaders must recognize. Once you recognize these dangers, you`ve taken the first step towards overcoming and/or avoiding these problems.

The Dangers

Not delegating enough. If you hold on to too much, you risk overburdening yourself and not giving others a chance to grow from new experiences.
Delegating too much. In addition to possibly overburdening others, delegating too much can lead to perceptions that you are uninterested, unavailable, detached or disinterested. If there are specific reasons (a special project, for example) why you must delegate more in the short or long term, make sure people know and understand this reasoning.
Delegating too fast. Delegating too fast could be that you are piling things on people too quickly (before they are ready), holding people responsible for tasks without making your expectations clear, or allowing them to develop the skills to be successful. Either way, this speed can cause major problems and contribute to poor results.
Delegating too late. If you wait until your plate is so full that you know you can`t complete everything, and then hastily give some tasks to other members of your team, you are dooming others to fail. And when they fail you confirm for yourself that If I want something done right, I need to do it myself.
Not delegating at all. There may be any number or reasons why someone doesn`t delegate. Sometimes it is a lack of skill in handing off tasks and responsibilities. More often it`s overconfidence, pride or perfectionism.
Having the wrong focus. When we delegate to help ourselves, we run the danger of the delegation being less than effective. Instead of focusing on ourselves, we must focus on helping the other person succeed.

The Solution

The solution is two-fold:

Find a balance of speed and amount of delegation.
Stop thinking of delegation as a way to delete items from your to-do or responsibility list.

Delegation should be considered as a developmental tool. In other words, delegation isn`t about dumping, it`s about development; it isn`t about you, it is about others.

Once you get your intention straight, that effective delegation is a true sharing of responsibility and provides an opportunity for others to grow their skills, you have taken a huge step toward avoiding all of the dangers listed above.

Before you move on to your next task, or read your next article, take a minute to reread the last two paragraphs. And then ask yourself where your balance is in how you currently delegate. Are you too fast or too slow in delegating? Are you delegating enough to too much?

Most importantly, reflect on your intention in delegation.

If you want to delegate for more effective results, put your focus and intention on developing others, rather than dumping things from your to-do list.

Potential Pointer: Effective delegation requires the right intention. As long as you keep the focus on yourself, your delegation will be less effective. When you focus instead on the other person, and how you can help him or her succeed with these new tasks, delegation will work better for everyone.


Kevin Eikenberry

The Dangers of Delegation


What Creates Confidence?

The Encarta World English Dictionary defines “Confidence” as “a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed.”

We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure.

Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do.


What creates personal confidence? How does one become confident in who they are?

If you grew up with parents who valued their own inner qualities and were role models for inner confidence, and valued your inner qualities and supported you in being who you are, it is likely that you feel personally confident.

But must of us did not grow up that way. Most of us grew up with parents or other caregivers who not only lacked personal confidence, but who may have blamed and shamed us, undermining our sense of self.

However, no matter how much we may have been de-valued as children, it is never too late to learn to value ourselves now. The secret in gaining personal confidence is to get to know your true Self – your soul essence – who you really are.

Your true Self is your essential inner qualities that you were born with, such as your ability to love, to be kind and caring, to be compassionate and empathic, and to listen well. It is about your basic goodness. It is also about your creativity, your unique talents, your particular forms of intelligence, your sense of humor, your smile, your laugh – all that is uniquely you.

If you were not valued for your true Self, then it is likely that you are not seeing or valuing your essence qualities. In fact, you might have decided a long time ago that you are not good enough – that you are somehow inadequate as a person. It is this false belief that creates feelings of inadequacy and a lack of personal confidence.

Right now, imagine that you can see yourself, not from the eyes of your programmed ego wounded self, but from the eyes of your higher self – the eyes of love. Visualize yourself as a very small child and look inside at who that child is. What do you see? Is there anything about you as a small child that makes you unlovable? What are the wonderful qualities that are inherent in you as a child? If this child were your actual child, how would you feel about him or her?

Throughout the day today, practice noticing and valuing your inner qualities. If you do something kind, say to your inner child, “I really value your kindness.” If you are creative or funny, express appreciation for these qualities. Day by day, as you consistently value your intrinsic qualities, you will find yourself gaining in personal confidence. When you learn to appreciate rather than judge who you are you will feel personally confident.


Professional confidence comes with time and practice. The more you learn and practice a particular skill, the better you become at it and the more confidence you have regarding this skill. With enough time and practice, anyone can become confident in their ability to perform.

Some people attempt to define themselves by their performance, believing that what they DO defines who they ARE. When this is the case, they will continue to lack personal confidence, no matter how successful they are professionally. When you attach your worth to your external success, then you have to continually succeed to be worthy, which creates much inner stress. If you find yourself constantly judging yourself to get yourself to perform, you might want to notice that it is this self-judgment that erodes your personal confidence.

Confidence as an adult does not come from others approval. Valuing both who you are and what you do is what creates a deep level of inner confidence.

Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
What Creates Confidence?