Self-Esteem – It’s Not The Same As Self-Confidence!

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A lot of people think that self-esteem is the same as self-confidence; however it is much more than just self-confidence.

‘Self-Confidence’ could be described as being an ingredient in the ‘Self-Esteem’ recipe.

The word ‘esteem’ shares it’s roots with the word ‘estimate’ meaning ‘to put a value on’.

We can conclude from this that ‘self-esteem’, really means ‘the value we put on ourselves’. Hence, someone who has low self-esteem does not value themself very highly.

On the other hand, someone with high self-esteem has a deep rooted sense of self; they like (and sometimes love) themselves; they are in control of their internal state and they act with purpose.

The good news is that anyone can learn to have high self-esteem. It is not something that only the select few are born with

How To Build Self Esteem

Accepting yourself as you are ‘warts and all’ is an excellent place to start to build your self-esteem. Although this may seem easier said than done, it is a vital ingredient in your step forward.

Take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror, that’s you!, that’s the way you are, and accepting yourself for what you are will start you on the path to higher self-esteem.

The image you see in the mirror can bring to the fore feelings of frustration, as we look at ourself with an overly critical eye. Sometimes all we can see are the flaws and the things we would like to change. We don’t see all the great things about ourselves as we have hidden them away, even convincing ourselves they don’t exist.

Well, they do exist, so keep looking, take a deep breath and look at yourself as you are and not as you would like to be. Learn to love yourself as you are before you try to change anything.

I know the last sentence seems contradictory, why would we want to change something we just fell in love with? But, the fact of the matter is that too much energy can be wasted wishing you were something you are not and accepting yourself for what you are is the first step to take towards higher self-esteem.

Have you any idea the energy you must use to hide yourself away from the world. What if this energy were channelled toward more positive areas in your life.

The most crucial part of this exercise, is that you must acknowledge first that you are fine the way you are. Once you have discovered this self acceptance, you will find the courage and incentive to delve deeper into personal relationships and a whole new journey will begin.

The Author has recently developed a keen interest in self-improvement. He has undergone some quite fascinating changes in his life and does’nt feel the need to stop developing yet. He has started a Self-Improvement Blog at and also posted more self-esteem articles at


How Do I Regain My Self Confidence?

This is a true story. Not many years ago, a gentleman by the name of Tim Smit decided to build, if not the eighth wonder of the world, at least something that came mighty close. It’s the largest greenhouse in the world, a collection of giant spheres containing all manner of plant life from all over the planet.

He had very little money of his own, so he proceeded to talk a number of people into lending him 130 million pounds. This has become known as the Eden Project, and it’s situated in Cornwall, England. Not only that, but he’s been able to put 800 million pounds back into the Cornish economy. All this from a vision!

It doesn’t take much of an imagination to hear the clamour of his critics, all those who said it could never be done. But his confidence was boundless. He knew in his heart that it was possible and once the bit was between his teeth, there was no stopping him.

Obviously, it needed a lot more than just self confidence to make the dream a reality, but without that self confidence it would never have happened.

How do I regain my self confidence? How did you lose it? A project you worked on and had faith in, didn’t work out and all the doubters came out of the woodwork and jeered you. Instead of picking yourself up and starting again, you just crawled away into the nearest hole and lay in fetal position from that time forward.

There have been so many people with really first class ideas, but as they proceeded with them, perhaps more and more people came out against them and in the end they simply let the idea flag and die. This means that you didn’t have the confidence in the beginning. You had the vision, you had the idea, but your lack of self confidence didn’t drive you to complete the task.

It doesn’t matter what it is you decide to do, if it’s different from what you normally do. If you’re a machinist in a factory and one day have a brilliant idea for making a certain component, a revolutionary type of mechanism perhaps, but it means you must give up your job and follow your dream. Then listen to the tongues click!

Now, you’re a skilled machinist and you’ve probably had a really good idea. But really good ideas are no good unless action is take. If you lack self confidence, the chances are you’ll be talked out of carrying on with your idea because other people don’t think it’ll work. Their reasons can be many, not least of them that they themselves don’t have the courage to try.

Look on self confidence as an engine. The engine that drives you forward in the face of all the nay-sayers and pessimists. So you have the idea. This turns into a vision. You work out the details and still you can find no basic fault in your plan.

Now’s the time for the engine of your self confidence to drive you forward

It’s true that without self confidence you can achieve very little of importance. Think of all the men and women who’ve gone to their graves unfulfilled, simply because they couldn’t summon up that little ounce of courage. It doesn’t take courage to visit Mike Bond’s website, The Hypnosis Attraction. Have a good read through it and I’m sure you’ll find things there that’ll be of enormous use to you


Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem, the Weather and Your Life

In general humans are creatures of habit. We settle into ways of doing things. We like predictability about the clothes we wear, the type of people we like to mix with and we certainly have fixed ideas about the type of people we don’t want to mix with.

We tend to go to the same places socially, see the same type of movies that we always see, vote for the same political party that we’ve always voted for.

Partly this is because we are in our comfort zone. We know what we like and we like what we know. Disturbing this equilibrium upsets us because it means that we have to shake ourself out of our cosy existence. Cosy is the theme of this article. Cosiness and weather. These may seem strange bedfellows for a coaching article but bear with me. Those of you who have read my earlier pieces may see where we are going with this because, to some extent, even these articles have a predictability.

Here in the UK the weather has been unusually warm for the time of year. I am old enough to remember when we had a well defined Spring, Summer, Autumn or Fall and Winter. You knew where you where. Almost to the week you could predict what clothing would be necessary to step out of your front door. This year in particular the seasons have stood on their head. We have had birds laying eggs in `Winter` and Spring plants flowering in Autumn because even Mother Nature has habits until she hiccups and catches herself out like she has this year.

The odd thing is that the unpredictability of the weather has been strangely exhilarating and invigorating. I say strange because If I lived in Australia or somewhere else on the other side of the globe what is `predictable` and `comfortable` for me as a British citizen would feel just the opposite to someone in these other locations. My predictability would be their uncertainty.

NOW, transfer this love of certainty and predictability onto the way that we live our lives and the same feelings are engendered. We all LIKE and WANT to be comfortable. We don’t want any hassle. We just want to coast along, doing nicely thank you very much. Don’t we, don’t YOU?

Why not take a little time to wonder what your life could be like if you were to change even one small habit, to do something a little differently. Once you’ve gathered the courage and the self-confidence to change something, and I agree that it DOES take courage and a degree of self-confidence to change a long held habit, you never know, you MIGHT get to like the adrenalin rush of doing, and BEING different.

By making simple but increasingly bigger changes in how and why you do things you will find that your self-esteem will grow because you will be proud of your progress. You will also find that your self-confidence will increase because you will realise that you CAN DO more, that you CAN BE more than you are at this moment. Yes, I agree that your life might become a little less predictable. Yes I agree that it might be a little confusing but I promise you this; your life will be infinitely more interesting and fulfilling.

Go on, give it a try. After all, as the advert says “you’re worth it”. Aren’t YOU?

Copyright Lawrence Nelson 2009 Protected by Copyscape anti-plagiarism. Do not copy except under rules.

Lawrence Nelson is a Life Coach and editor of a weekly personal development newsletter. If you, or someone you know, wants to improve their self-confidence and self-esteem then Google the free video at []


The Need For Validation and Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is above all the belief that you are in control of your present situation in life. It’s faith in your ability to be able to cope with whatever may come your way. It’s about knowing that your ego is strong enough to remain unscathed by whatever criticism may come your way.

Self-confidence is about the way that you see yourself and not something that is awarded if certain criterions are met. Anyone, regardless of status, appearance, education or background can have self-confidence. It is not something that is gracefully bestowed to a chosen few; it is something that is earned.

It is earned by moving out of the comfort zone and exploring the unfamiliar and the unknown. It is earned by testing our wings where we’ve never been before. It is earned by exposing our ego and taking the chance to have it bruised.

Self-confidence is the result of a multitude of small victories over inhibition and self-doubts. It’s the result of self-examination and self-exploration. It’s about testing Nietzsche’s famous quote that says, “What does not kill me, makes me stronger.”

Bizarre as is may seem, with a poor self-image and little self-confidence, the ego is so fragile that it will view a possible rebuke or criticism as a near life-threatening situation. No wonder it does take courage to expose the self to social situations where the outcome is uncertain.

That’s the reason that some people will spend their entire life chained to the restraints imposed by a lack of self-confidence. The fear of being hurt by rejection or some unkind remark is so great that the status quo seems preferable to going through the process essential to break free of those limitations.

A lack of self-confidence is caused by fear. The fear of being ridiculed, the fear of criticism, the fear of failure. In one word, the fear of having the ego bruised. There is only one way of conquering and eliminating a fear and that is by confronting it.

The more a fear is confronted, the more the person becomes desensitized. The more victories over a specific fear, the more confidence grows and the less effective that fear becomes.

Remember the first time you tried to swim underwater. Just sticking your head underwater was a major feat. Two or three days later, you could not even remember being afraid of water. The same principle applies to whatever fear is holding you back from being self-confident.

Most people affected with low self-confidence are under the false impression that self-confidence comes with validation from our peers. They believe that the secret of self-confidence is love and acceptance from others.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Whatever others think of us has absolutely nothing to do with our level of self-confidence. Self-confidence is not the result of validation and acceptance. It’s the result of faith in one’s ability to be above the ego’s petty fears of being bruised or damaged by the opinion or judgment of others.

Having a healthy dose of self-confidence is one of life’s most precious possessions. It’s the ticket to self-expression and self-actualization. It’s not something that will come from the intervention of other people. It is something that we have to create ourselves. It’s done by having the courage to confront our fears by going outside of our comfort zone and doing the things that we are fearful of doing.

The secret of doing this is by starting with small challenges and gradually increase the level of those challenges. There is nothing esoteric about this; it’s just applied common sense. Something that anyone can do if the desire is strong enough.

Dr. Raymond Comeau aka Shamou is the Author of ShamouBlog and Owner Administrator of Personal Development for Personal Success Forums


Did You Know That Self Confidence is the Gateway to Success?

Most successes and achievements in life come from your ability to feel certain that you can accomplish what you set out to achieve. Self confidence is the gateway to success; to the life that you wish to lead and to the dreams that you desire to live.

With self confidence you can advance towards your ambitions and aspirations. With self confidence you can rise up and handle life’s demands and challenges. You can tackle any obstacle and setback that you are faced with, and then you can move on to the next step of your journey to fulfilment and achieving more.

One of the principle requirements to anything we want to do in our lives is having self confidence. Confidence is an essential part of any person’s development and success, both on a personal and professional level. With confidence you can forge ahead to fulfil your potential and perform at your peak level.

During your life you may have learned about the benefits and merits of feeling confident; how confidence can give you courage, assurance and boldness to find and accomplish what you seek and desire.

People who experience a lack of self confidence have often achieved a fraction of what is truly possible for them. With determination and focus to pursue and gain self confidence, you can develop the strength and fortitude to climb out of the depths of your present circumstances, and take advantage of the opportunities and successes that lay ahead of you.

Confident and dynamic people have gained mastery on how to feel courageous and confident. When you develop and build on your own confidence skills, you, too, will feel and become a different person. You will feel much more enthusiastic, motivated and determined in every aspect of your life.

Most of you have a desire to raise your confidence levels when times are tough, or when you want to progress in your personal life or career. The most renowned way to increase this self confidence is through learning new skills, integrating changes, and growing one step at a time.

Becoming confident can be a simple process once you have the necessary knowledge. Together with your commitment to take action and to follow through with all that you have learned you will have a recipe for becoming a more confident you.

Make a pledge today to adopt the learning habit and once you do, you can accomplish many great things during your lifetime.

Once you improve on the way you think and feel about yourself, your beliefs and your actions will follow. You will confidently overcome the challenges that life thrusts upon you and you will manage them with new-found belief and faith in your capability to do so.

As you become more confident you abandon worry, hesitation and, more importantly, you overcome fear. Your expectation for confidence and success is emphasised with everything that you choose to do.

Transformation emanates from a change in the habitual emotional template that runs your life. All the habits you presently have produce certain outcomes in your daily life. When you transform or alter the negative emotional habits, and replace them with constructive and beneficial habits, your life will dramatically improve and you will reap the rewards of the new and positive habitual template.

Bear in mind that as soon as you focus on change, change does begin to happen. It is fun, motivating and very rewarding to feel and see yourself growing and improving and becoming more confident and effective day-by-day and week-by-week.

One of the greatest human findings is the limitless power of your mind. It has the capacity and potential to create virtually every aspect of your life. Guide it and live its potential, and use it to create a more confident you.

Just think about what you can do with all the self confidence that you can have.

By the way, do you want to learn more about how you can build your self-confidence to create, have and become virtually anything you want in life? If you do, I suggest you check this out: Self Confident

When you boost your motivation a few degrees, you can literally turn your life around. To find out How to Boost Your Motivation and Build Self Confidence, visit:


A How To Build Self Confidence Article With Exercises and Activities To Develop Self-Confidence

Think about these tips as being the foundations for better self confidence in every facet of your life.

1. Begin creating a journal.

A good way to carry out a good self-analysis would be to begin with your own journal or diary. Jot down your own ideas regarding self confidence. Write all ideas which come to mind. Additionally, try and think about just what prevents you from progressing to a place in your life you want to attain.

Inside your diary, create an inventory regarding points that allow you to be special. For instance, you can create an inventory beneath the title, “What Makes Me Special.” Jot down pursuits as well as personal preferences which make you unique.

Keep in mind, procedures like this don’t work for everybody, and in case, after trying out the diary, it doesn’t improve your self-confidence, test an additional approach.

2. Recharge frequently.

Prepare to have privacy in order to refresh yourself psychologically, physically, as well as spiritually. Take the time off in order to unwind on your own in some peaceful location.

3. Conduct a self-evaluation.

Learn how to evaluate yourself fairly. Doing this enables you to avoid the continuous state of turmoil which arises from reliance on other people’s opinions. Focusing internally about how you think and really feel regarding your personal conduct, way of life, work, and so on will give you a more powerful feeling of personal awareness. This can stop your routine of relinquishing your own personal energy to others.

4. Acknowledge and love yourself.

Together with the conduct of the self-assessment, comes the actual recognition of your respective flaws. Don’t let yourself be dissuaded as a result of this particular development.

Learn how to accept and also acknowledge yourself for what you are as a person. Everybody has their own special talents, traits, and characteristics. We all have been created differently for a good reason. Never ever compare yourself to other people.

Always be happy with your own accomplishments and revel in your own originality. You have to learn how to accept and stay happy with what you are. Only then are you going to really feel your own self confidence skyrocket!

5. Focus on your own talents instead of your actual weak points.

Self confidence arises from within. Focus on good points regarding you. Keep in mind past is finished; you are able to only alter your future. Jot down 10 good points regarding you. Read through your journal and take a look at all of the good things regarding yourself.

Focus on your capability. They are the main reasons why you adore as well as have confidence in yourself. Give yourself credit for each good thing you’ve written regarding yourself. Keep in mind, you’re someone unique.

6. Conquer worries and uncertainties.

Many people really feel vulnerable, imagining they could never ever end up being good in anything they are doing. This kind of low self-esteem is only going to result in a loss of self confidence in whatever you do in your lifetime.

Bear in mind If you haven’t attempted something, you can’t ever state that you’ll fall short with it. For example, your manager is suggesting that you watch over a team but you actually worry that you’ll make a mess out of it. This kind of dread will certainly prevent a person from accepting that task. Nevertheless, when you’re a self-assured individual, you wouldn’t think twice about faltering and willingly accept that task. Insufficient self confidence can impact your own career development.

7. Inspire yourself.

Whether it’s for a demonstration, a job interview, or anything at all, point out to yourself you can do it. Encourage yourself every single day; and shortly, you will discover your self confidence growing.

A useful method to inspire yourself is simply by maintaining a summary of at least 5 things which you did perfectly that day. This particular exercise reaffirms your solid belief that you could accomplish that which you set your mind to achieve.

8. Participate in optimistic self-talk.

Make use of optimistic self-talk as a good opportunity to displace harmful ideas crowding your brain. Whenever you find yourself contemplating pessimism, remind yourself to “stop” and also substitute all of them with good ones.

For example, when your brain is full of dismal ideas, substitute all of them simply by thinking about joyful times. If you notice yourself pressing for excellence, tell yourself to try doing your best. This tends to make you much more forgiving regarding yourself; simultaneously, carry on trying to improve.

One great way for you to get rid of pessimism is simply by reading through as well as hearing positive things. Reading and listening to optimistic and affirming materials will certainly improve your own capabilities and skills to cultivate your own self confidence.

Read and listen to uplifting tales regarding prosperous people. You’ll discover that the majority of these people went through difficult circumstances; experienced numerous problems and challenges in everyday life, but these people overcame these types of challenges and grew to become successful with their undertakings. This kind of strategy will certainly reap great returns later on as these become resources of optimistic awareness in your mind.

9. Imagine your own long term achievement.

Frequently picture yourself taking pleasure in achievement! Really feel the actual pleasure, expectation, exhilaration, and the buzz of success. To become a lot more optimistic, you have to imagine yourself being a man or woman rich in self-esteem. Imagine you dealing with a difficult problem and then conquering it with poise and confidence.

Make use of your 5 sensory faculties to create the image in your thoughts intense and appear real. Let’s say you’ll have your piano recital and you have difficulty relaxing. Picture yourself on the stage confidently striding to the piano. Imagine yourself playing with full confidence and pleasure. Picture folks clapping their hands and yelling, “Encore!” Take in the sight, scent and flavor of achievement. Isn’t it invigorating?

10. Recognize your own achievement.

Give yourself credit for whatever you attempt. Stress the entire process of attaining, those courageous and simple endeavors exerted, rather than concentrating on success alone as the end product.

Congratulate as well as treat yourself any time you do something which makes you feel pleased. Give yourself a break to a restaurant, a good health spa, or perhaps a day off for the remainder of the day.

Cultivate these feelings by reminding yourself about previous achievements. In your diary, write the actual circumstances where you really feel the most joyful. It might be an event or performance where you felt gratitude along with a strong a feeling of achievement.

Bask in those memories and also get strength from all of these. Say this out loud, “If I was able to achieve these in the past, I can achieve more today and in the future.”

11. Acknowledge and reframe failures.

It’s an indicator of a healthy mind if you can to simply accept unfavorable facets of yourself. If you’re constantly crying over the mistakes which you made in earlier times, you won’t ever get anywhere.

Remember that previous errors and disappointments can’t be corrected; what’s done is done. Therefore, there isn’t any use crying over spilled milk. Acknowledge that errors do occur. Realize that each and every error or failure you make is really a step in the direction of achievement. Once you acknowledge mistakes as a possible opportunity to learn, you actually reduce anxiety about failing as well as improve your self confidence.

12. Take risks.

Look at undertaking things which you haven’t attempted before. It will always be challenging to accomplish something totally new. The mere action of agreeing to these types of challenges provides a significant increase in your self confidence. This increase is regardless of whether you become successful or not.

Shying away from challenges stops us from mastering additional skills, discourages us from evaluating our limitations, and also causes people to have uninteresting lifestyles within our comfort zones.

People having a high degree of self confidence aren’t scared of going out and doing things. They might have limited expertise or capacity; but going out and doing “it” isn’t any problem for these people simply because they feel certain that they’ll be successful. They’re less fearful of committing mistakes plus they make use of much more opportunities in order to be successful.

Self confident people most likely make a lot more errors compared to those that are not really self confident, but they’re most likely to have much more enriching achievements compared to average Joes due to their confidence in themselves.

13. Behave with confidence.

Your ability to succeed with virtually every undertaking you take on is mostly impacted by your self-image. Those who have confidence in their self-worth are magnets for success and happiness. Feel confident and also behave confident.

14. Go to workshops.

It’s good to go to workshops with skilled and inspirational speakers providing recommendations and assistance with building self confidence. Throughout the address, you are able to get tips about speaking in public simply by watching the speaker’s gestures and the way he projects himself.

These types of strategies will help you reinforce as well as increase your self confidence in each and every phase in your life. Take advantage of these techniques and discover a constructive change in yourself.

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Self Confidence and the Way You Use Your Words

The way we use language can have a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves.

By that, I don’t mean what language we speak (English, French, Spanish, etc) but how we communicate with ourselves and with others.

We all have a constant dialogue going on in our heads and this has a strong impact on our self confidence. If our internal dialogue is negative, then we tend to feel negatively about ourselves, our situations, our circumstances. Equally, if our self-talk is positive, we feel better.

Being aware of this negative dialogue is the first step to correcting it.

The conversations we have within ourselves are as if we are actually saying them at the pace, tone and volume we would use if we were speaking to someone else. This is one of the major reasons that they are so powerful; it feels like it is the truth because we wouldn’t lie to ourselves. We need to be sure that what we say is supportive.

Listen to what you say to yourself on a regular basis. Are the things you say negative or positive? Are these thoughts making you feel how you want to feel?

Start by writing down some of the things you say to yourself on a regular basis.

Write down the thoughts you have regularly or that are specific to a situation you find uncomfortable (or worse). Write as many as you can recall. Leave a space between each note so that you can write underneath it at a later stage. Think about the times when a perceived lack of confidence has got in your way and what you were saying to yourself in those moments.

For example, do any of these internal dialogues sound familiar:-

“Stop right there before you get embarrassed.”

“Why me?”

“I wish I could just walk up to that person and say hello.”

“Do not try it because you always fail.”

“I cannot stand up in front of all these people and make a speech.”

“I never get it right.”

“I need to do more than this.”

“If only I had more courage.”

“People think I am an idiot because I get so flustered.”

“I cannot do this because I have no confidence.”

You can see how these self comments are very negative and are not likely to help you get the results that you are wanting. Not only are they negative, but they contain some powerful words that just embed the feelings you do not want even deeper into your thinking. You are, therefore, not only being negative in that moment, you are setting yourself up to feel the same way the next time that situation arises.

Look at the specifically negative words in the above sentences.











Simply by using such words you are allowing yourself to be put into a negative way of thinking. You are bound to feel badly about a certain situation if you approach it with these thoughts.

Now take a note of HOW you talk to yourself i.e. the pace, tone and volume. Is your conversation fast, harsh and/or loud? It is not just the words you use but how you say them.

You have already written down some of your own internal comments and conversations. Take a look at your notes and see if you can identify the negative words you have used. They will probably stand out like a sore thumb. If you are like most people you will discover that the things that you say to yourself are not very helpful to you.

Now that you understand this point you can begin to change the words, sentences, tone, and volume of your internal dialogue.

When you are communicating with others, you should use the same techniques as described here. Although our most common conversations are internal, it is important to realise that the same rules apply when we are talking to other people.

Again, be aware of your words, how you speak and practice putting your new knowledge into action. When you change what you say and how you say it in conversation, you will start to notice that you are getting a much better response.

Remember, YOU CHOOSE YOUR WORDS, whether consciously or unconsciously, so make the decision to deliberately override your previous habits and use words, sentences, tones and feelings that help you to get the results that you want.

Allan Cowley is a Life Coach working on a one-to-one basis with clients throughout the world. He provides online coaching via his website at []


How To Have More Self-Confidence – It’s All In Your Mind

We humans have always had a need for security. This mechanism has been built into us a long time ago when we were first hunter-gatherers and then later, when we learn to cultivate our land. From our early days, we have learned to survive by preserving meat or store grains in case our hunting expeditions are not good or our harvest fail. However this basic survival instinct does not always benefit us. We often cling on to our various safety nets, refusing to try out new ways of doing things. We become secure in our own comfort zones. Our credit cards, our big homes, our expensive cars, and a good stable job with many benefits – most people believe having these things will give them security. But these illusions may prove to be their undoing. A well paying job may become obsolete as the company outsources the tasks which you may specialize in. No one is indispensable. It pays to always be on a lookout for emerging trends and learn new skills.

There are also some people who go through life with the oppressive feeling that no matter what they do, they will still fail. People with such thinking have lost confidence in their own abilities and believe that they have no control over their future. Instead of taking hold of new possibilities, and accepting life with all its uncertainties, they adapt to life out of sheer convenience. It is the inner voices in them that tells them the rewards in trying are not worth it, it is best to just give up.

Those who choose security above all else are those that are afraid of making mistakes or making any form of decisions. They stay well in their comfort zones and won’t take the risks. Successful people know that failures are not the end of anything but the beginning of something. For within every failure lie the seeds to success. Taking the necessary risk of a second attempt is what separates the leaders from followers. People who don’t try hard enough will always allow small failures to discourage them permanently. How sad.

Leaders in any fields know that real peace of mind come from within. The only safety net that you can truly rely on is your own self-confidence. True leaders know that courage comes from building on their own strengths to venture unto unknown paths and work decisively and confidently towards their goals. If you want to avoid losing this inner security, you must above all, learn to control negative thoughts. It’s true that bad luck seems to follow those who believe in their own bad luck.

To gain courage and energy, you should try to fix your goals clearly in you mind’s eye. Your imagination is the most powerful God-given tool that you can use. You must form an image of what you wish to achieve, and imagine the positive situation you will be in when you have achieved success. For instance, let’s say you want to get a job of your dreams and have secured an interview, you must imagine yourself as a strong, confident candidate. If your thoughts are filled with doubts, of your own previous failures, chances are, you will not be a confident person during the interview. Your lack of confidence will show in your body language and your speech. Seeing yourself as an ideal, indispensable candidate with enough experience for the job will move you forward in the direction of a successful candidate.

Or take another case, perhaps you’re a weak student and every thought of taking any tests or examinations will make you break out in cold sweat. You can learn new study skills, take up simple memory training and learn easy to master memory techniques to improve your memory and help you remember many things like mathematical formulas, historical dates or important scientific facts. You will find that you memory can perform astounding feats of memory recall and this will give you the added confidence in yourself. A calmer student invariably performs better in tests or examinations, all things being equal. This will show up as better grades and every success builds on itself.

Maybe you’re thinking of moving to a different part of the city. Imagine yourself in your new life, in your new home. Think about the colorful new neighborhood, and try to picture the nice people around you. You will find yourself looking forward to a new chapter in your life, a new beginning rich in promises. You have what it takes to make your own more fulfilling, it’s all in you, in your mind.

Martin Mak has developed a new program to help you improve your memory and enhance your learning experience. Find out more with his popular and free ecourse –


Get Your Mind Right, Begin Building Self Confidence

So how do you prepare yourself to begin building self confidence?

Do you lack self confidence? First you need to recognize and fully understand the problem and take action to seek a solution. Next, you must begin to educate yourself. This is the step that lasts forever. To truly achieve progress, we must never stop learning.

One important thing to understand is that building self confidence is a process. It won’t happen overnight but you can begin to see and feel results as soon as you start consistently working at it. The good news is that building self confidence is something that can easily be achieved with a little knowledge and some persistent effort.

As you begin to practice what you learn, and start building self confidence you will also begin to create more successes in your life. These successes will begin to compound the growth of your confidence itself. The result is a snowball effect that helps you learn how to be confident even faster than expected. Confidence creates confidence! Also once your self esteem gets repeatedly proven to you through the positive results that you witness in your life, your doubts will begin to recede into distant memory and disappear permanently.

The best way to approach building self confidence is to take the process in steps and the first step for any worthwhile endeavor should always be to get prepared.

Get Prepared

To get prepared, you need to clearly recognize where you are and where you want to be. Only then can you create an effective plan to get there. You know where you stand in regards to self confidence. You are aware of the types of situations that you can handle comfortably and the types of situations that you have difficulty with. Reflect on this for a moment and try to get a clear understanding of where you are right now with regard to your path to self confidence.

Now consider where you would like to be. Imagery is a powerful mental tool. Visualize yourself doing the things that currently make you uncomfortable. When you do this, picture yourself doing these things with ease, completely relaxed internally as if it were something that you had mastered and completed hundreds of times. If your mind can think it, it can achieve it. Now you have a clear picture of where you are and of something that you want to accomplish. File these mental pictures away or write them down, this is your motivation and you can return to it whenever you need to.

Getting Your Mind Right

The next step to get your self prepared is to get into the proper mindset. You must believe that your goals are possible before you can reasonably commit yourself to them. If this is difficult for you, just remember to use consistent rational thought. If you think about this goal rationally, it becomes clearer that it is not only possible but probable that you can achieve it. These practices for building self confidence have been tried, tested and proven over many years and by hundreds of thousands of people before you and I. Humanity has had plenty of time and test cases to sort out what works and what doesn’t by now. Rest assured that the information is out there and that what you desire is indeed quite possible. Eliminate any and all doubt about that right now. Accept it rationally and move on.

Stop Defeating Yourself

Another important part of your mindset is to make sure that you stop working against yourself. We tend to pick up bad habits that perpetuate negativity in our minds. Make a conscious effort to remove self defeating thoughts and to stop saying anything that puts you down. They call these bad habits “self defeating” for a reason. That is exactly what they do! You’ve heard it many times “think positive”, and you will continue to hear it if you ask people who know about how to be confident. Stay positive, stay focused and take steps.

Examine your Strengths and Evaluate them Rationally

The best way to begin to recognize your strengths is to take some time and think back over your entire life. Starting as early as childhood if you want, find memories of each significant accomplishment in your life. Regardless of who you are, I promise that there will be many. Don’t down-play anything. If you felt good about it, it matters. Write it down. If you won a foot race in 3rd grade and you remember the great feeling you had afterward, include it. You got the job out of 5 people that were interviewed? Include it. Compile a list. This will be something that you will refer to often (at least weekly) to remind you that you are actually quite capable of success. Focus on and highlight the ones that are the most important to you.

Analyze your List

Now look at the list and think of it in terms of the things that you are currently comfortable with and the things that still make you uncomfortable. Are you able to see any trends? You should begin to see where your strengths lie. What are the things that you are good at? Write these ideas down as well. We all need to be acutely aware of our strengths when we set out to accomplish any significant goal.

Develop a Plan

Another crucial piece of the process is the development of a tangible and clearly defined plan. This will help you measure and bear witness to the progress you make which will in turn reaffirm your belief that your efforts are paying off. By following a plan, you will learn how to be confident systematically and develop strong habits.

The plan should outline your goals. Start by brainstorming a list of things that you feel that you could not handle comfortably but that you hope to be able to handle with ease in the future. These are your specific goals. Include any accomplishment, even the ones that seem insignificant. For instance, I used to feel a little awkward when asking strangers for directions or help. I wanted to be able to approach and speak to anyone with confidence and so I would add this to my list. Don’t be afraid to include the tough ones as well like asking for a promotion, giving a speech to a room full of 1000 people or asking the girl or guy down the hall out for dinner. Now put them in order from easiest to most difficult and focus on accomplishing each one before moving on to another.

Each small accomplishment will earn you some measure of improved self confidence that will help you to approach and achieve the next. Each accomplishment is a building block towards building self confidence.

This is “Textbook” Goal Setting

You will move through these accomplishments from easiest to hardest over time and each time you achieve one, just like accomplishing any goal, you will reward yourself by knowing forever that you can do this. These small triumphs will never go away. They are stepping stones along your path. Every time you move forward to another goal, consider how to apply your strengths to the situation to make it easier. “Work smart not hard” still applies whenever possible. Work on each step until it becomes as comfortable as an old hat. To this day, I still sometimes find myself asking people whom I don’t know for directions or assistance, just to talk to them!! The things that we practice become habit.

Have you ever heard the phrase “fake it until you make it?” The idea behind it is simple and lends itself well to building self confidence. By practicing something enough and putting yourself out there, you will begin to incorporate these activities into your life in such a way that they become habit. They become easy. They begin to define you. To a significant degree, you are what you do. Once you realize this concept fully, you begin to see that you truly can become anything that you want to be. You take action and begin to define ourselves. You are seeking information right now which tells me that you are already practicing this concept whether you knew it or not. You are taking action to define or redefine yourself into someone with greater confidence. In a way, you are in fact learning how to be confident right now simply by taking action!

Make a Commitment to Yourself

As you move forward in your learning and begin to progress toward building your self confidence, you will undoubtedly run into some stumbling blocks. There will always be some small desire to quit, give up or avoid. Just remember that taking the easy path is akin to hiding from challenge and works to break down your confidence rather than build it up. When possible, remain committed to your personal growth and push through challenges. The best part is, even if you fail, you will still gain confidence because you stood and faced the situation. You tried! There is significant courage to be found by simply facing the fear or doubt and making an attempt. If it doesn’t kill you, it will make you stronger. If it might kill you, then by all means reconsider!

Building Self Confidence Relies on Rational Thought

You will likely find that self doubt will always try to creep in. But you will be looking for it. Learn to recognize it for what it is each time it happens. When these doubts present themselves in your mind, all you really have to do is back up and truly and objectively examine the situation. Is it really possible to do this? Do people do this sort of thing all the time? If so, then yes, it’s quite likely that you can learn and do it as well. If on the other hand, you doubt something because of a rational objection, it is also quite possible that a significant challenge lies there and the situation may warrant further evaluation, a new plan or acceptance that it is an unlikely goal. If you are 50 years old and you haven’t been in the Air Force or gone to college, becoming an astronaut might be a little bit out of reach, or perhaps the path would be so challenging that the means may not justify the end result.

For instance, at a certain time in a colleagues’ life, he was determined to go to medical school and become a doctor. He was a great student, already had a bachelors degree and many of the prerequisite courses completed. However, he was 35 and also had 3 children and no income. He started out determined and confident but eventually doubts about this journey began to surface. Careful examination told him that remaining dedicated and confident might get him pretty far and friends and family would help as much as they could but, 4-5 years of borrowing money and surviving with no income before being able to work again might prove to be more strife than it was worth. Trying to handle that while completing one of the most academically rigorous career paths in existence might not even be healthy. He simply did not have a realistic and maintainable plan that suited his current situation. Careful thought revealed that his motivation was based heavily on money and prestige which might be bad reasons to drag his family through such difficulties. These realizations finally brought him around to reconsidering this career path as a viable option.

The moral of this is that not all doubts are irrational and based on fear but many of them are. Be realistic when evaluating your doubts as well as your goals. As you continue to learn how to be confident, you will also learn how to better evaluate your goals and fears.

Hopefully some of these concepts will help you be better prepared as you continue along the path of building self confidence. Take this advice into consideration and prepare yourself mentally as you continue your efforts to learn how to be confident in all aspects of your life. You will be more open and willing to accept any direction that you receive. Get prepared and begin to make your way toward a new and more confident you.

So what do I do now?

Now you have a couple ideas about how to get your head in the right place but in order to send your self confidence levels to new heights, you’ll need a plan and the willingness to follow it…

Luckily for you, there are many amazing programs for building your confidence! You can begin learning how to be confident at!
Or feel free to check out my next article about Confidence Building!


Why are You Afraid of Success in Modeling? A Question of Self Confidence

Self Confidence — Fact or Myth?

OK, you are ready to contact your very first model agency — or are you? You look through the pages of agents listed on the Internet to find just that right one in your area to contact; or maybe you are going for the big-time in New York City!

It doesn’t matter. The lump in your throat just got bigger and you are turning pale with fear of hearing that awful word ,,, NO!!

Now, before you stop reading and say; “This guy is not only negative but he is reminding me of what I feel.”, just remember that these feelings are perfectly normal.

Self confidence more important than attractiveness ? More important than ability?

I believe it is. In all reality, self confidence is attractiveness. No matter how pretty you are your chances of becoming a model are slim if you are not confident enough to make the contacts. So, being a sexy and attractive model is not enough, believing in yourself is key!

Even super-successful people sometimes have a confidence problem. Here are a couple of confidence qoutes to make you feel a little better about your situation….

Barbara Streisand had a period of time (after she had become a huge success in music and movies) where she was absolutely terrified to go on stage. Barbara had a confidence problem. It took all the courage she could muster to do a comeback performance so you are not alone!

Another good example is .. ME! I used to be so shy I could not lead a group in silent prayer! I could not talk to people, I felt inadequate in conversation (still sometimes get those feelings) and certainly could not see any degree of success in anything I attempted. You know what was missing? That’s right… Confidence!

Do you want to know how I overcame this obstacle and began to have some success in my life?

I would have to say that one of the main keys in overcoming my shyness was education. When I was discharged from the Army I decided it was time to do something in my life (I had no idea what) and go to college. In school I became a psychology major with plans to teach. I later found that teaching was not quite what I wanted to do but the psychology courses taught me some things about my shyness and confidence.

I learned that confidence comes with knowledge. The more I knew about a subject the more confident I became in talking to others about it.

What in the world does this all this about self confidence have to do with modeling?

In a sense, everything!

If you want to make it as a fashion, glamour or figure model you must have a certain confidence. How do you gain this confidence in modeling? By studying and learning everything you can about the industry, finding what makes a successful model, and last but certainly not least … practice, practice, practice!!

I know there are some limitations for certain kinds of modeling as we discussed in the article about model types but this is not what I am talking about here. I am assuming that you have written down some clear goals outlining the type modeling you are most interested in and suited for and that you are developing a plan to make your goals work.

Remember, a dream is just a dream but it becomes a goal when you write it down, put a date of completion on it, and start step one today.

Confidence comes with small successes and from failures.

I will never answer a teen girl or woman when she asks me whether or not she can make it as a model because people through history have done that and regretted it later. Sort of like the engineers of the Titanic calling it “unsinkable”.

I also refer often to two other “failures” in show business.

The first was told he had no singing voice and should go back to his job of driving a truck. This was Elvis Presley.

The second was a new rock group in the early sixties. They were told by a major record label that “bands with guitars are on their way out” and were turned down. This little group turned out to be the Beatles.

So, you are in good company if you are turned down by an agency. Always ask yourself, “What’s the very worst that could happen if I apply to an agency?”

I believe the obvious answer is the worst that can happen is that they say no. If this is the case then you are in no worse situation than you are now. But what if they say yes!!

The main point to remember is that everyone is not going to like your “look” and you will most likely be turned down at least once or maybe more but those who have a chance are the ones who keep working to improve and who keep contacting agents. All of a sudden someone could say “yes”; or maybe not.

Want to become a failure? You can do it! The best way to become a failure is not to try. When you look back on your life in later years, even if you never get a single modeling job, I want you to be able to say, “I gave it everything I had” and not be like so many others who say “if only”.

Be honest in your self-assessment, follow up with study and lots of practice. Remember that self confidence is attractiveness. If you embrace these thoughts and take these first steps, your esteem will grow and you will find yourself contacting agencies and building self confidence as you make small gains. These are essential if you are to have success in modeling.

Now, grit your teeth with determination and become that self confident person that I know is inside of you!

Bob Pardue is a professional model lphotographer. Learn to model with this free report at


Secrets Of Building Self Confidence – Achieving A Small Enough Goal And See Your Confidence Grow

Few people truly succeed in life. A vast majority of people are withdrawn and shy – they don’t have many friends, as they are unable to interact meaningfully with people outside of their inner-circle. Boys don’t find dates easily and girls fail to impress, all because of their lack of self-confidence. Can you tolerate a speaker whose utterances do not carry conviction? Timid speakers don’t captivate their audiences. They can’t be persuasive. In short, their speeches don’t have the necessary pep and spirit to be exciting and end up falling flat. Timid people continue through life somehow, but as they don’t stand up to be counted, success is something they only dream about. Why not go for it? A lack of self-confidence is what keeps most from being assertive, successful and ultimately happy in life. However, if you can recognize that you lack the self-confidence you want, you can work on building it up and making your dreams of success a reality.

Defining self-confidence

If you can recognize the qualities of a person brimming with self-confidence, this will help you succeed in building your self-confidence. How do you know that a person is confident? It’s easy, really. If you are balanced and confident, you are assertive, your body language conveys your confidence, you hold your head high, you speak with authority but not with arrogance, your attitude is positive, you go after your goals with determination -well-prepared to overcome any hurdles en route because you don’t flinch at taking calculated risks whenever required, and whenever you make mistakes, you readily and graciously own up to them. Like people with low self-confidence, you don’t look for scapegoats in such circumstances. Like people who are over-confident, you don’t allow yourself to make those mistakes too many times. And unlike people with no confidence at all, you are outgoing and courageous. Your goals are set realistically, keeping in mind a fair assessment of your assets, your weaknesses and your skills and talents. On the other hand, over-confident people, as you may observe, have a tendency to set unreachable goals and prone to be hurt and have their confidence shattered when failure stares them in the face.

Building self-confidence

While attempting to build self-confidence, you may have a couple of questions to ask yourself. Is it possible to build self-confidence? If by nature you are not initially endowed with confidence, you may think you stay that way forever. Not necessarily. You can actually take small but reachable steps in order to build good confidence. However, self-confidence and success are interdependent. Normally, you can’t succeed without confidence playing a role in your efforts and without success you can’t have self-confidence. It’s a Catch – 22.

If that is the case, how do you build self-confidence? Good question. Start by setting yourself a small enough goal that you can achieve it without too much difficulty. Then achieve it and watch your confidence grow. Repeat the steps, every time making the goal a little tougher than before and gradually build your confidence step by step.

Secrets to building self-confidence

The first secret of building self-confidence is to honestly analyze your strengths and weaknesses. The next one is to work hard on minimizing the weaknesses while maximizing your strengths. Then, analyze the task on hand. Arm yourself well with good, solid preparation to make the most of the opportunities available to do the job and to do it as best as you possibly can. Also, shield yourself against any anticipated threats that might stop you or slow you down in your tracks.

Time management is of utmost importance in all your efforts. Training yourself mentally is also equally important. The better your analysis, training and preparation, the better your chances of success and the stronger your self-confidence. Build it to the appropriate levels and achieve success in all aspects of your life.

Kevin Yang is a writer that concentrates on helping people better themselves, for cutting edge information you NEED to know about your self esteem before you try to change your life check out his website at


Self-Confidence Exercises – 5 Easy Strategies to Build Your Self-Esteem

Many teens and adults suffer from low self-confidence and self-esteem. Unfortunately, most people don’t have great childhoods. Some teens have parents that abuse and neglect them, get divorced, don’t show any interest in them, are addicted to drugs and alcohol or both, are obsessed with their career, or gave them adoption. Adults who experienced trauma in their childhood who didn’t seek help are more than likely to suffer from low self-confidence and self-esteem. The good news is that you have the power within you to change. The first step is to admit that you do have some issues to address and get help from a psychologist, therapist, life coach, spiritual coach, or someone from your place of worship. There’s nothing shameful about asking for help.

You don’t have to suffer from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Make the decision that you’re worth it. Make the decision to change your life for the better. Living life with low self-esteem isn’t living. Find the courage to take your power back and keep it for good. Know that it’s all right to say “No” and mean it. Do something for someone else because you want to not because you think you have to or that you’ll be punished if you don’t. Remember what Lao-tzu said, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” How long will you wait before you take that step?

Self-Confidence Exercises – 5 Easy Strategies to Build Your Self-Esteem

1. Look in the mirror and say “I love you” every day. It’s important that you love you. Every day look in the mirror and say “I love you.” Do this for 30-days and see how your life begins to shift. You can even shout it out loud whenever you’re alone. Loving yourself is will open the door to love. If you don’t love you, who will? Even if you suffered the most terrible abuse in your life, love you because there is only one of you. You are unique and valuable and are here for a reason. Commit to loving you and love will find its way to you as will self-esteem.

2. Smile. How often do you smile? It’s time to turn that frown upside down and smile. There’s a saying, “Smile and the whole world smiles with you.” Smile wherever you go and notice the reactions from people. Before you know it, people will be smiling at you. This is a great way to build your self-esteem and attract positive people into your life.

3. Look people in the eye when you speak to them. Look people in the eye whenever you speak to them. This shows confidence and will build your self-esteem. Start by looking your parents, siblings, bosses, co-workers, teachers, etc. in the eye. Try it a few times and notice how you feel. Don’t judge yourself if you stumble. Keep at it until you find your balance.

4. Take a martial arts class. Not only can martial arts do your body good, it can boost your self-esteem. Karate, mixed martial arts, Judo, Jujutsu, Fencing, Sambo, and other classes will help you build your self-esteem. Taking self-defense classes can also help.

5. Be you! You don’t have to follow the crowd. You don’t have to follow trends. Beat to your own drum and express who you are. Watch the self-criticism and give yourself a break.

You can build a strong self-esteem if you want to. However, it’s up to you because no one else can give or increase your self-esteem. There isn’t a ‘magic wand’ that will magically increase or give you self-esteem. You have the right to express your opinions without fear. It’s time to stop living small; reclaiming your power will set you free; appreciate you and your life. Remember, it’s not about being perfect. It’s about living your best life.

Bonus Strategy and Affirmation!

Stop being a people pleaser. If you find yourself saying “Yes” when you want to say “No,” it’s time to examine this. There’s nothing wrong with being considerate of others; however, sacrificing your own happiness or needs for others isn’t authentic. You diminish your power when you give into others when you don’t want to. Plus, it’s a sign of co-dependency. Get rid of the guilt and have the courage to say “No” when you want to. Don’t allow yourself to be a doormat for people who can’t get a handle on their lives.

Affirmation: It’s safe and comfortable for me to speak my truth.

Rebecca Sebek is the owner of DEORConsulting, a life coaching, consulting, and educating company for teens, parents, guardians, and professionals who work with teens from alcoholic and dysfunctional backgrounds. Parents learn how your past may be influencing your parenting skills; you may be surprised that it is. Together, we can help teens be, do, and have all they want out of life.